Free Yourself by Carolyn Hobbs

Author:Carolyn Hobbs
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Wisdom Publications

Crossing the Line into Basic Goodness

Somewhere, somehow, when we least expect it, we cross an invisible line. We wake up, as if from a dream, and the fog of reacting those same old ways lifts. Our values and priorities shift. We see the preciousness of life clearly.

On the other side of this line, we still argue with our spouse, children, and coworkers. We still eat, sleep, exercise, and play in our free time. We still experience disappointment, fear, grief, shame, doubt, and judgment—all the perks of being human.

Once we cross this line, though, we discover what Buddha called our basic goodness. This bottomless well abounding with patience, understanding, generosity, and wisdom is our true nature. As pure and untouched as a high mountain stream, it remains undaunted by the hurts, losses, and wounds we suffer in life. This basic goodness burns away the fog and shines a kind heart on all we encounter. In coming to know fear, anxiety, and despair clearly, we stop allowing those monsters hiding under our bed or in our basement from overstaying their welcome and running our lives.

No longer needing to avoid any feeling, freedom expands into the open space.

Once we stop pressuring ourselves constantly to improve (implying we’re never good enough), basic goodness warms us like sunshine with kind thoughts, words, and actions.

Cheryl ditched her basic goodness years ago in favor of her driving ambition and her many accomplishments. She felt proud for holding a PhD in a male-dominated field, architecture, and for being the youngest senior partner and only female in her architectural firm. She eats healthily, jogs daily, and last year, she designed and built her dream home.

But at forty-five, home alone every night, she drinks a bottle of cabernet to cope with depression. When I suggested she try to feel kindness toward her feelings, she sneered.

“I never got where I am in this man’s world by wallowing in feelings,” Cheryl said. “Feelings are just a waste of time—time I don’t have if I want to make senior partner.”

But since antidepressants failed her, she agreed to spend thirty seconds five times a day asking herself, “What am I feeling?” Kindness practice can begin small.

Two weeks later, she said, “It is probably sheer coincidence. But ever since I acknowledged my depression in the daytime, it stopped waking me at night.”

“Let’s name what the depression asks you to give yourself,” I suggested.

“Stop work. Lie down. Stop being productive—all the things I hate,” she shouted angrily. “I can’t do a damn thing when it strikes but drink or lie down with my eyes closed and hope the hell it leaves soon. I just wish it would go away.”

“While you are lying down,” I said, “are you willing to practice kindness?”

“I guess it can’t hurt, but I’m not a touchy-feely type. Don’t push me.”

The following week, whenever depression forced her to lie down, Cheryl practiced her own customized version of loving-kindness. “May I and my dog Putts be happy, healthy, free of danger, and filled with loving-kindness.

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